Comments on: Astroturfing the slippery slope http://www.thesnarkyliberal.com/2009/09/astroturfing-the-slippery-slope/ Musings of an imperfect critic Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:43:04 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: De'Juan http://www.thesnarkyliberal.com/2009/09/astroturfing-the-slippery-slope/comment-page-1/#comment-188 De'Juan Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:38:24 +0000 http://www.thesnarkyliberal.com/?p=93#comment-188 Thanks for responding! I understood your emphasis, and agree with it; I can pass as straight and pair-bonded with ease (I have a legal wife, and our 2 partners are legally married as well). In both cases, we have options that gays and lesbians don't (especially here in TX, where they don't even recognize civil unions), unless they want to live on the down low (legally married to a straight person while having a secret/discrete, gay/lesbian, romantic significant other at the same time). Many polyamorists, however, experience the "third-wheel effect:" being the third person in a triad in which the other two people are legally married. In this case, the third poly person, I would argue, is EXACTLY in the same position as a gay/lesbian person with regards legal rights and recognition of their status, the systemic dismissal or downgrade of his/her married status in our culture, and the problematic issue of choosing between someone(s) you love, and someone that is appropriate, in order to access the legal/social benefits. Thanks for responding! I understood your emphasis, and agree with it; I can pass as straight and pair-bonded with ease (I have a legal wife, and our 2 partners are legally married as well). In both cases, we have options that gays and lesbians don’t (especially here in TX, where they don’t even recognize civil unions), unless they want to live on the down low (legally married to a straight person while having a secret/discrete, gay/lesbian, romantic significant other at the same time).

Many polyamorists, however, experience the “third-wheel effect:” being the third person in a triad in which the other two people are legally married. In this case, the third poly person, I would argue, is EXACTLY in the same position as a gay/lesbian person with regards legal rights and recognition of their status, the systemic dismissal or downgrade of his/her married status in our culture, and the problematic issue of choosing between someone(s) you love, and someone that is appropriate, in order to access the legal/social benefits.

]]> By: Amanda Jo http://www.thesnarkyliberal.com/2009/09/astroturfing-the-slippery-slope/comment-page-1/#comment-187 Amanda Jo Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:27:14 +0000 http://www.thesnarkyliberal.com/?p=93#comment-187 Thanks for commenting! I'm not sure if I made it clear that I'm not against legal recognition of poly relationships--I just wanted to emphasize the difference in necessity between straight/bi polys, who have access to the legal benefits of marriage with at least one person, and gay/lesbian folks who can't access those benefits at all. Thanks for commenting! I’m not sure if I made it clear that I’m not against legal recognition of poly relationships–I just wanted to emphasize the difference in necessity between straight/bi polys, who have access to the legal benefits of marriage with at least one person, and gay/lesbian folks who can’t access those benefits at all.

]]> By: De'Juan http://www.thesnarkyliberal.com/2009/09/astroturfing-the-slippery-slope/comment-page-1/#comment-185 De'Juan Wed, 28 Oct 2009 06:14:51 +0000 http://www.thesnarkyliberal.com/?p=93#comment-185 As a practicing bisexual polyamorist in a group marriage, I agree with the positions on your post. I would add that we, from our perspective, consider ourselves married already; what we don't have is the same legal rights and recognitions currently reserved for pair-bonded straights. I would also add that many of us consider being poly a behaviorally-based orientation. Everyone has multiple friends, family, children, etc., that we love, without conflict of interest or feeling that our love is somehow diluted by loving more than one person, so to a poly person, saying that we should love one, and only one, romantic significant other feels arbitrary and artificial. As a practicing bisexual polyamorist in a group marriage, I agree with the positions on your post. I would add that we, from our perspective, consider ourselves married already; what we don’t have is the same legal rights and recognitions currently reserved for pair-bonded straights. I would also add that many of us consider being poly a behaviorally-based orientation. Everyone has multiple friends, family, children, etc., that we love, without conflict of interest or feeling that our love is somehow diluted by loving more than one person, so to a poly person, saying that we should love one, and only one, romantic significant other feels arbitrary and artificial.

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