Calm down, straw-Republican-I-just-made-up-for-debate-purposes. Obviously there are serious practical and moral considerations that prevent things like incest, pedophilia and bestiality (or “man-on-dog,” as Rick Santorum so elegantly described it) from being OK. Polygamy, on the other hand, is clearly the logical next step after gay marriage (according to Straw Republican here).

Here’s why that’s wrong. It’s as simple as the difference between sexual orientation and sexual practice. Everyone has a sexual orientation, whether it’s gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, etc. It refers to the gender or genders to which you are physically attracted (or not attracted, in the case of asexual people). It defines your range of options, and to some extent, your identity. “Gay” is a sexual orientation. “Polyamory” is a sexual practice. Polyamory is something you do, whereas being gay is part of who you are.

People who practice polyamory (straight and bisexual people, at least) still have the option to marry someone to whom they are physically attracted. They can find someone they love and marry him or her. Marrying just one person might not be their first choice, but at least they have a choice. Those who identify as exclusively gay have no choice. The only people to whom they could ever be attracted are the exact same people they can’t marry. Which effectively means that gay people are denied a right that straight people take for granted (and crap all over on a daily basis, I might add). This is why homosexuality and polyamory are not the same.

And the fact that YOU, Straw Republican, believe homosexuality is a sin does not magically make homos hetero or give them the ability to marry someone of the opposite sex. Your religion does not exempt them from equal rights.

This is why I get so angry when conservatives say they’re “against gay marriage, not gay people.” What the hell do you expect your gay BFFs to do, then? Suck it up and marry someone they can’t romantically love? Or just shut up and be content with their status as second-class citizens? Be OK with the fact that they won’t ever have access to partner medical benefits, hospital visitation, even joint guardianship of their kids?

If there are any polyamorists reading this, please chime in. I would love to get your take on this issue (and I hope I haven’t offended you in my zeal to take away the bigots’ slippery slope argument).